The thing about being a stay at home mom is that at the end of it all it’s a shit job. Look, i love my kid & i haven’t been doing this as long as like our moms did. But, ok, think about it, you never get a raise, there’s no way for you to get a promotion, the job pays terrible. Then your kid does this really hilarious thing like dip his hand in the vaseline or completely strip himself just to watch cartoons. & you realize that, if you had picked any other job, you would not have been right here in this moment watching the funniest improv show you’ve ever seen. Watching this little human figure out life LIVE. But is the risk worth the reward? The sacrifice to your mental health. Sometimes your physical health. Your freedom. your independency. CHILL. I’m gonna tell you the truths. How the pros are also the cons. How sometimes you just want to lay on the floor & cry with them. I know i said i wasn’t going to focus on mom stuff but i have to.
They Are So Freaking Cute– My god, if I could sit & record every funny thing he does I would have a movie as long as Titanic. and sometimes they do silly things that you will have to pay for later. seeing them take the diaper off and pee on the floor it’s hilarious, but the mess and the smell, FML. I love each cute adorable moment but eventually you have days where you are like please i want to watch something else. But you leave them for an hour & you miss them more than anything. It’s a vicious cycle of. Love my kid -> need a break -> gets a break -> miss my kid. you feel me.
All this PTO you can’t use – you get so much free time. But you can’t use any of it. Let me explain, the baby is napping the house is clean you have maybe an hour and a half to yourself. But you can’t do anything with it, you can’t leave the house, you can’t go to the beach, you can’t go get a drink and so you end up just sitting on your couch doing absolutely nothing watching Tiktoks and an hour went by and now the kids up and you did nothing with your time. & you feel like a complete failure because you wasted precious time with anxiety. Mama, relax. Take the break. Stop letting that guilt use all your time.
The forgetting how pretty you are– Like when’s the last time you got all dressed up with the fire fit & the face beat, hair laid? Like a month ago right? Yeah i know it. The struggles to find a babysitter. Then the 3 hours you spend shaming your mom bod til you finally find an outfit that makes you feel decent at best. Then being tired from getting the baby ready. You’re finally ready you go out you have a great time. You feel so pretty & then you go home & the night is over. You go back to the messy bun & baggy tee. So you forget how pretty you are, because you don’t see yourself pretty often.
The guilt of money– This one is especially hard. Your partner is the majority bread winner. The only reason you get to stay home is because it’s cheaper than daycare. But then you don’t have your own money, or if you do have your own it’s usually not enough to hire help or you would have. So you always feel bad, you feel like you’re not doing enough. You feel like any struggle your family goes thru is your fault. You feel your job isn’t real because you don’t bring home a monetary value. Don’t feel bad mama. Your job is just as valuable. It is the hardest labor one could ever do. Money isn’t the only thing that holds a family together.
Remembering to love you- you get so caught up in taking care of everyone else that you don’t remember you exist. You don’t leave any money to buy yourself something. You don’t cook enough food for yourself as well. You make sure everyone is bathed, comfy and asleep, & by the time you’re done, you’re too tired to do your skin care or wash your hair. You serve everyone their last drink & by the time that is over your tea is cold. Nobody talks about how you hold back tears from exhaustion, you break, your eyes close on their own. You cry so much sometimes. You get anxiety & heart aching guilt if you take any time for yourself. And when you do take time for yourself, you spend the whole time feeling bad you don’t even get to enjoy it. Trying to keep a child alive & keep your mental health healthy is hard as hell. Taking time for yourself is crucial but so frowned upon. Like you want a mom completely mentally healthy to raise a baby but you don’t want her to take any mental health breaks to recharge ? How that’s fair ?
Look, being a stay at home mom is WAVY. It’s just a lot of work for very little recognition. Like it would be nice to get a “Good Job” sticker once in a while or $100 & some alone time in home goods. The anxiety you have any moment that you want to sit & enjoy your tea still warm. I didn’t want to talk about the wonders of being a stay at home mom. Everybody talks about that. I needed to talk about what were all thinking but were too guilt ridden to say. There’s ugly in everything beautiful & having the perfect seats at this broadway show of their life is the most beautiful thing in the world. So all i’m saying is be a little nicer to that wavy mom in your life. & if she sometimes looks like she hates it here, she probably does in that moment. Don’t guilt her for that. Don’t guilt her for saying Fuck dem kids every once in a while After dealing with a screaming toddler that decides to yell at the top of his lungs for 20 minutes because you stopped him from potentially snapping his neck by jumping off the coffee table. You would probably need a 4 day vacation on a private island too. Moms are superheroes. There’s no doubt in my mind. Moms get shit done. PERIOD. But it’s not easy. Her mental health is gonna go to shit if you don’t take care of her. As a friend. As a partner. Just check on her. Don’t judge her. Love her. Protect her so she can keep protecting the city & fighting crime.