Nah, because this perfect mom shit is getting out of hand…

Listen, I know I said that I didn’t want to ever talk about motherhood on this blog because it was my escape blah blah blah. But the insensitivity is getting out of hand. Im a fucking mom. We are all moms, but it doesn’t mean that we are programmed the same. Every mom, moms differently and it’s her business on how she decides to do it. Whether she lost the weight, whether she breast fed. That’s on her. Mind your business. Please. It’s usually other moms shaming one another but that’s a discussion for another time. It’s also a matter of how you ask as well. Yall be coming off rude as shit when you ask these questions. Granted maybe some of yall don’t do it on purpose, but again still rude. So as a new mom, im gonna tell you a few things we absolutely hate for ya to ask.

Anything Weight Related– BITCHHHHHHH No, i didn’t lose the baby weight, what time I got to go to the gym? Eat healthy? i’m lucky if I eat at all. Anyways. Anything weight related is really obnoxious to ask a mom. How much weight did you gain while pregnant? How much weight did you lose after the baby? How fast? Are you back to your pre-pregnancy weight? Uh.. No, no, no. Your body changes after a baby. What i lost in baby weight, i gained in ass. So i lost the 9lb baby i gave birth to weight but now i have 10lb of cheeks. You feel me? Very rarely does a woman go back to how her body used to look like before the baby. And thats okay. Yes it bothers some of us and the other bunch of us love our new bodies. But asking a new mom anything weight related is so rude. Theres no right way to ask. “You look great!” thats it. Say nothing else. Bitch i just had a baby, im bad ass. Shut up. Don’t be an insensitive prick.

Did you get depressed?– Yes bitch, my mental health is shit right now. My entire life just changed. I am not okay. Send help. Please. My point is, not all moms suffer from Postpartum depression. But most do. NOW, yes you can ask about a new moms mental health, but its all about how you ask. Hey are you okay? Do you need anything? How’s your mental health today? Asking a new mom if she got that post partum thingy is insensitive. Shaming a new mom for getting it, but you think you escaped it, is also rude. Not asking at all but doing something to help momma is actually the best thing to do. Hey this meme made me think of you. Hey i brought you your favorite something. A simple text to check up on momma. Our mental health is sensitive af from the moment we get pregnant. You have to be careful. Yes, you have to tip toe around us and be careful what you ask us because it might set us off, or make us cry. That’s life. I just had a baby be nice to me!!!

BreastfeedingI AM NOT A BAD MOM BECAUSE I DIDN’T BREASTFEED! say it louder for the people in the back. Breastfeeding ain’t for everybody. It is more than just having a baby attach to your tits. Really idc if that was graphic, it needed to be said. Sometimes babies don’t latch, mommy doesn’t produce enough or any at all. It hurts. You have to change your diet if baby is allergic to something you’re eating. You can’t smoke, you can barely drink. It’s a lot. You feel like shit because everyone makes you feel bad for the choices you make. The sleepless nights having to pump to only get one ounce. And yes i know that you have to make sacrifices for the baby. But you know what’s better for a baby than breast milk? A mentally stable mother. I don’t talk personal shit here but for my mommas who need this sake, ill tell ya something I didn’t breastfeed. Well i did, for like a week. But it was getting depressing. I wasn’t producing enough, when he would latch it would hurt so much. When I first gave birth I didn’t produce at all. My milk came in a week after and not much. I was having anxiety because I had to pump every 20 minutes to get like 1 oz. It wasn’t fair. My own family shamed me. It’s not that i didn’t want to. I did. But life happens, every body is different. My baby is 8 months like 20 lbs healthy as hell. A formula baby, he’s fine. I promise that baby Chris will not grow up to hate me because i didn’t breast feed. So, if you breast fed or didn’t, your baby will not hate you momma, i promise.

“Why do you?” questions/unsolicited opinions – Why did you do this. why did you do that. I would’ve never. Why do you put boy clothes on your girl? Why did you cut his hair before the year? Why do you let them sleep in your bed? Why haven’t you sleep trained? the list goes on. Why don’t you MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. Like i said, every mom is different. Every mom decides to do whatever she wants with her child. From the moment a woman becomes pregnant, everyone got an opinion. Abortion, adoption, fire station, single mom, give up your rights to the dad, whatever you choose to do, that’s on you. Mind your business. Seriously. I don’t care what you did with your baby, im going to do what I want with mine. Please do not give me any advice unless I directly ask for it. BROOOO and the older people that be giving you advice that made sense in 1995 like if in 2019 we don’t have other shit to concern ourselves about like climate change and how to teach my half black son to not say anything if stopped by the police. I appreciate you want what’s best but what worked for your kid, probably wont work for mine. Thanks but no. And old mommas, stop bother new moms. Let them do what they think it’s best. There’s like a little group of friends of mine who had babies within like 5 months of each other. And we are all raising HEALTHY BABIES, in our own ways. There is not a right way to parent. Trust me. Some people be fucking their kids up tryna follow this weird ass outdated advice.

Mommy time shaming– bitch, bitch. Okay, yes i’m a mom but im alot more than that and I also have to dedicate time to that. If i need 10 minutes, 3 hours, a whole day to recharge and regroup, that’s okay and I shouldn’t be made to feel bad for it. If I need a night to just hang out with my girls and party the night away, its okay. If i need a girls trip to Vegas, it’s okay. If my baby is okay, my baby is being taken care of then that’s okay. Stop having babies with men you don’t trust to take care of the baby for a few hours. That is retarded. “i can’t because my mom is busy.” Okay what about the dad. “oh yeah i don’t trust him to watch the baby without me” hmm okay. It doesn’t make you a bad mom for wanting to step back for a second and get your mind together, it actually makes you a good mom to know that you need a second to recollect and then get back to being a badass mom. Stop shaming us for it. Stop shaming a mom for stepping away from her child. Trust me, alone time makes you a better mom. Do what you love, stop losing yourself because you care what people think. Literally someone commented on my blog post once saying im a bad mom because I go clubbing. Actually i’m a great mom. And i’m a great mom because I give myself mental health breaks, I know when im not okay. And i say wait let me go dance my ass off and regroup. You do what you do to bring yourself back. Everyone has a thing. Whatever it is, don’t give it up. You like to drink? Tell your partner that tonight you’re going to drink an entire bottle of wine while watching Love and hip hop in the living room til you pass out so they gonna have to take the night shift. That’s okay! Stop making us feel bad!!!!!!!!!!! and mommies, stop feeling bad!!! YOU ARE MORE THAN A MOM! Even if you are a stay at home mom, you’re more than a mom. A working mom, more than a mom. Whatever you love away from your family, it’s okay. Do you boo. And if you don’t have kids, mind your business. This mom shit is hard.

Im done, i’m not even gonna write my exit paragraph because I wrote enough. My point is, and this is the last time i will touch on this subject, leave moms alone! Let us do what we have to do the way we have to do it. The kid is alive? Healthy? wavy? Alright, so then whats the fucking issue? Because it’s different than what you do? Ohhhhhkay. There can be different ways to get same results. Science bitch. Bye!

Author:

I’m Rossy ( Row-z ). I am a mother and a writer. Im 28 years young and im still figuring myself out, but i realllly like the woman i’m getting to know. i love all things food, sleep & wavy fits. Im not even sure where i want to take this. My need to write is so much bigger than my need to understand why.

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