Dominicano Soy; de mi raises yo quisiera olvidarme…

I need to get right to it. The toxicity in dominican households is wild. Alot of their upbringings are so outdated it’s ridiculous and they don’t even realize how much they fuckin the world up for us. Don’t take this as me bashing Dominican culture. I love my culture. We have one of the happiest countries in the world. Our music and dance moves are unmatched. Our food is top 5 culinary greatness. But our upbringing needs some work. Mad work actually. I guess now that im a mother, sometimes when my mom tries to tell me how to raise my child im like…. nah that shit don’t make no sense. And so i began to evaluate some of the stuff i was taught when i was growing up and i was like wait a minute now, how did anybody in their right mind think this was a lesson to teach someone… but okay. It’s not just me tho, a couple of my dominican friends have had this discussion with me and all say that shit don’t make no god damn sense. So imma discuss some of my “favorite” upbringings in dominican culture that are serious what the entire fucks to me. You do not have to agree. You can be 100 percent content with how this culture operates and if you are, this is your cue to go.

You have to say hi to everyone– Uh no I don’t. If i am uncomfortable with someone, even if they are family, I feel that parents should respect a child and not force them. Kids don’t just randomly decide to feel uncomfortable with someone, if a child is telling you they don’t want to go to someone or greeting someone makes them uncomfortable, please understand the child. I remember when I was little I ALWAYS had to say hi to “family” that i did not know. And when you didn’t say hi, you were considered a rude child. But children are allowed to feel uncomfortable. It’s okay. A child knows why they don’t want to be around a certain grown up or even say hello. Don’t force it. Your child is not “maleducado” or “malcriado” just because they don’t feel safe around another grown up. That is absolutely ridiculous.

Men don’t need to take care of their kids, other than financially– Thats that BULLSHIT. As long as a man provides for his children he don’t need to be involved in any other way. What in the 1920s? No. A man needs to be involved in everything that mom is involved in. School, home, health. What you mean only mom has to go to parent teacher conference? So only mom can take him to the doctor? That shit is retarded. Dominican women remove all responsibility from the men when it comes to raising their children. and men of course, take it and run with it. I understand, yes a man should provide for his family. He should work hard to put food on the table and a roof over his families head (my bad if this a bit sexist yall) but that shouldn’t be the only thing he does for their kids. Dominican women don’t even make men responsible for asking their kid how their day was. Mommy breaks don’t exist, because dad shouldn’t have to take care of the baby. That’s your job as a mother…. All im saying is, you helped me make it, you better help me raise it.

If you don’t keep yourself fire all the time, he’s gonna leave you– Nah, this is retarded. So you expect me to marry a man who can never see me at my worst? That is literally the entire point of marriage, is to find someone who can see you look like complete shit and still be like. nah thats bae. But this isn’t just looks wise. You always have to keep the house clean, you always have to cook wavy. You cannot be caught slipping in any of your wife duties because the man will leave you. What in the actual fuck? I’m tired too. You can cook. That’s okay. We can split the chores. What i’m not gonna do is run home after a full shift to cook on YOUR day off. That’s not fair. again, not the 1920s. Ya trippin. Listen, if a man is gonna cheat or leave, there’s nothing you can do to prevent that. Because it has everything to do with him. you can cook, clean, stay in shape, go to the salon everyday. If he’s gonna cheat, he’s gonna cheat.

Mental Health isn’t a real thing- asdfgjklgllajshgsj THIS ONE RIGHT HERE GETS ME SO FUCKING MAD. they be like “en mi pais le dicen loco” “sa tu no tiene na. aprende a controlarte mejor” literally if you’re depressed, you’re ungrateful. If you have anger issues, you’re just poorly behaved. If you’re suicidal, you just want attention. The ignorance that follows our culture that the only health is physical health. They believe there cannot be anything wrong with your brain. & the ones who do believe in it, believe the only solution is medication, because that’s what works for physical health. They don’t weigh out other options. It’s so bad. & it’s so tough on us not being able to talk to our parents about mental health because they tell us it doesn’t exist and we’re just being crazy. They have better things to do than to deal with our bad attitude. We’re “malcriado”. That’s absolutely ridiculous. Some parents have seen their child kill themselves & honestly say they didn’t know anything was wrong. Yes you did. You told us you were too busy to deal with our “mood swings”.

You HAVE TO have the personality your parents created for you– let me explain this one. Basically, dominican parents already have your future planned for you & if at any point you decide other wise.. you’re a demon child. What you mean you wanna be an artist? You need to be a doctor. I know it won’t make you happy but it’s what i want for you. Oh, you’re not gonna be a doctor? You’re a disrespectful kid. how dare you treat your parents this way. They already have your perfect partner picked out. What age you’re gonna have kids. Where you need to live. What you’re gonna go to school for. They give you advice and if you don’t take it, again demon child. They don’t believe in you creating a life of your own. And when you do, you’re disobedient. “Yo quiero lo mejor para ti” but “lo mejor” is what I say. Sometimes there’s loopholes around this shit. Like if you do something better than what they originally expected.

Listen, this isn’t all dominican parents. This ignorance sometimes stops at a certain generation before we are born. I’m speaking from friends i’ve asked & personal experience. There’s a lot more wrong with our upbringings than we let on. So much more ignorance. Racism. Colorism. Sexism. Making women grow up faster. Making men do absolutely nothing to grow & be completely useless human beings to then find a woman who is like their mother so they can continue to be useless. I love being dominican. I’m sorry if this post misled that I love our culture. I don’t like the toxic ignorance. And maybe you’re Dominican reading this like “what she even talking about” & that’s okay too. I guess i didn’t think much of it either until i became a parent myself and also dating a man who is not Dominican constantly telling me, “ you know this isn’t right?” & if you’re reading this & see nothing wrong with anything i said, then there hasn’t been any generational change on your part either. Dominicans might cancel me for “bashing” the culture or they might make me president for bringing the truth nobody likes to talk about to life. Que se yo.

Author:

I’m Rossy ( Row-z ). I am a mother and a writer. Im 28 years young and im still figuring myself out, but i realllly like the woman i’m getting to know. i love all things food, sleep & wavy fits. Im not even sure where i want to take this. My need to write is so much bigger than my need to understand why.