Depressed Mommies Anonymous.

I’m a mom and I am depressed. It’s not easy but I get it done. How? I don’t know. Winging it maybe? I’ve seen it done by so many other moms, I thought it was normal to raise your kid while depressed. It’s not normal. It’s common, but it’s not normal. Doctors don’t talk about it. While you’re pregnant, they just talk to you about the physical things that can happen after pregnancy. I mean, they touch on the topic of post partum depression, but once that baby is out, after that 6 week check up, you’re not their problem anymore. That sucks. You go un-diagnosed for so long and you beat yourself up all the time because you think you’re a bad mom for hating life. You’re not. I’m not. We’re doing the best we can. It’s really hard though and we can’t really ignore that part because that only makes it worse. We can’t just hand our baby off, go heal and then come back and be a mom when we’re ready. It doesn’t work that way and even if it did, we would get depressed again about all the time we missed. I can say with full transparency that my son’s first year is a blur to me because I was so sad all the time I never allowed myself to be present in those little moments. Luckily, I had a phone and I took pics and videos so I can watch those moments, but it’s not the same. This one is for the new moms, the pregnant moms, the girls who want to be moms but are scared. Let me show you how I was able to be a wavy mom while still being the saddest human I know.

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Only God can Judge me… I Guess?

Trigger warning: I talk shit about religion here

I know this entire post will be controversial, so just to be clear, these are my beliefs and you don’t have to agree. I’m not a religious person. I tried once, in my early twenties to do the whole church thing, even went on a retreat and no, it wasn’t for me. I believe there’s a higher power protecting us, for the most part. Someone is up there making sure I go when it’s my time to go and that i’m okay until then. I don’t believe there is one god, I don’t believe you’re wrong for believing that their is. My problem with religion is the ignorance that sometimes follows. The beliefs that your religion is the best and only religion. Who you decide is your god is on you and nobody should ever make your god inferior to theirs. The judgement from people are hardcore into their religion is so rude and hurtful, it doesn’t sound like anything someone who believes god loves all should be doing. I have family and friends who are religious and will probably get mad at me for this post, but I wouldn’t be me if I kept my feelings in so people wouldn’t get upset with me. I can give you five reasons why I think you can believe in a god and not have to claim any religion to do so.

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“But What Were you Wearing?”

Trigger warning: Rape and Sexual assault.

Rape culture is a thing. It shouldn’t be, but it is. Rape isn’t just a storyline for a Law and Order episode. It isn’t something we should be so ashamed to talk about. Rape is real. The idea that a man would get so frustrated by rejection that he decides to force a woman and then some how the woman gets blamed because she had a skirt on is beyond me. I think the worst part is when other women victim blame. Rape culture basically makes rape okay and seem like the norm. Women don’t ever want to come forward. Isn’t it weird that a man will do something illegal, something without the woman’s consent and some how in this weird twisted world we live in, it’s her fault. You would think that a message like no is no, would be clear as day, but its not. I have been a victim of rape. I have been a victim of sexual assault. I never came forward. It’s so normalized for men to rape that when my friends and I talk about our experiences, we talk about it like it’s not the most horrifying thing that can happen to us. We’ve been conditioned to normalize the most disgusting act in the world. What in the actual fuck is wrong with the world. Men will sexualize children and people will tell the child to stop doing things that draw the mans attention. We have to get rid of that shit. It’s not okay. You’d think telling a man not to rape would be simple. But no, I have to dumb it down because society refuses to tell men that shit isn’t okay.

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New Year, Same Me.

A new year is coming up and that means so is a new me. Atleast i’d like to think so. Every new year we make vision boards & extremely long goal lists. We do silly rituals like wearing certain underwear colors & eating grapes to ensure we have a good new year. The first week of January we all eat healthy, go to the gym, our mental illnesses all go away & life seems like it’s really looking up. Then we stop working out, we don’t want to cook so we pick up some fast food and we realize we never got around to putting up that vision board. By January 7th we’re back to the same person we were on Dec 31. There’s always the pressure to change who you are & be better than the person you were the year before, immediately, as soon as the clock strikes 12. It’s unrealistic but we give ourselves the dumbest expectations every year. We get super stressed out & then bummed out when it doesn’t work out. We have to stop that shit. We have to stop expecting so much of ourselves. I’m guilty of new year new me culture. I’m guilty of “this year will be different” & the truth is they are never different. We think that we can start things without being ready & it fucks everything up. I’ll give you five things to help you have a wavy new year without putting too much pressure on yourself.

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One Year of Darkness in the Sunshine State.

Trigger warning: Suicide. Depression. Sexual assault.

In a few days, I make one year since I moved to Florida. My fiance got a job and they said he had 2 weeks to move or he would lose it. We were in a pandemic, it was winter, it was almost Christmas, we weren’t financially ready, but we figured it out and me and my toddler packed up with daddy and left a home that was all I had ever known for 29 years. Moving from New York City to Florida was not easy. I had never lived without my mom (except for that one time I moved to Ohio for 3 months because I was getting over a break up) I had never lived anywhere that wasn’t my bedroom in Queens, New York. I moved to Florida with no friends, no family, no job, just a suitcase with my clothes in it. It has been the hardest year of my life in all ways. I thought moving to Florida would be the answer to all my problems because i’d be leaving a toxic household. It wasn’t though. I didn’t realize that being away from one problem, would just give me alone time with all my other problems. I’m still adjusting and understanding, but after a difficult, long but necessary trip back to New York City after being away for so long I realized that the only reason I hated Florida was because I wasn’t used to the peace it allowed me. Let me explain in true Romyboattt fashion. Here’s some things this past year has shown me.

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Social(media) Anxiety.

Social media fucked me up. That’s it. That’s the blog, because every person who just read this said “same.” In one way or another social media has altered your life. Could be positive since so many influencers wouldn’t be who they are without it. But i don’t mean THAT social media. I mean the closer social media, of people you actually know, or have met thru someone, or just became friendly on the internet for some weird reason. That social media, the one where you actually meet these people at those parties they be posting flyers for. Instagram is just an app to flex what you were barely able to afford. It’s a battle of always trying to seem cooler than anybody else. Twitter is ruthless, ill tell you about that in a second. Nobody under 20 really uses facebook, thats for our aunts and uncles to post pics with a wild caption.Yall remember myspace? Tik tok is my favorite social media platform, i feel like its the least problematic. Nobody cares what you look like, people are just there for fun or to teach you shit or just to do dumb ass dances. Let me explain myself now that i have you here.

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Ready, Set …… Boundaries.

Understanding your self worth when you don’t think you have any is hard as fuck. Like for some reason we’ve been conditioned to just be nice to people regardless of how they are. Be kind. Share. Pay it forward. But rarely ever are we taught to set boundaries & not let people fuck with us. Bosses take advantage of your work ethic. Parents take advantage of your position as their child. Friends take advantage of you always being there for them. So, we become soft as hell. People walk all over us & we complain. We’re not taught to value ourselves. We think we don’t have enough self worth to respect ourselves & set boundaries & say no. Not setting healthy boundaries will either make you a pushover or make you so angry you’re just mean to everyone. No balance. I’ll be the first to say I never set any boundaries with anybody because I was never taught to. For as long as I can remember, growing up it was “because i said so” “because you have to” even when I didn’t want to do something I knew I just wasn’t comfortable doing. So how do you set healthy boundaries without pissing people off ? You can’t. Someone will always be mad at you for respecting yourself. Oh well. Let’s learn how to set them anyways.

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Dear Stay at Home Moms… this is the fine print you missed.

The thing about being a stay at home mom is that at the end of it all it’s a shit job. Look, i love my kid & i haven’t been doing this as long as like our moms did. But, ok, think about it, you never get a raise, there’s no way for you to get a promotion, the job pays terrible. Then your kid does this really hilarious thing like dip his hand in the vaseline or completely strip himself just to watch cartoons. & you realize that, if you had picked any other job, you would not have been right here in this moment watching the funniest improv show you’ve ever seen. Watching this little human figure out life LIVE. But is the risk worth the reward? The sacrifice to your mental health. Sometimes your physical health. Your freedom. your independency. CHILL. I’m gonna tell you the truths. How the pros are also the cons. How sometimes you just want to lay on the floor & cry with them. I know i said i wasn’t going to focus on mom stuff but i have to.

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Get in Loser, We’re Gonna Work On Our Depression.

It’s been a while yall. How you been? Me… uh, alright i guess. Look I wasn’t going to do this but a few months ago I posted something on Instagram about my suicidal ideations & that shit got mad attention & likes. It’s weird, like you wouldn’t think so many people would be like “yeah. same. me too.” I can only write so much on a caption so i decided to blog about it because also I feel like you guys miss me.

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Anxiety-19

For the first time ever, we are all going through the same thing. This corona virus has us trippin. If you live in a world where the only type of media you have is this blog, ill tell you whats been happening. There’s a virus, it’s called Corona virus, everybody is losing their mind, people are dying, it’s pretty serious and there’s a shortage on toilet paper. We’re told to practice social distancing which is really just staying away from large crowds, staying home unless you absolutely need to go out. For those of us who are actually respecting this and staying home, I know it can be hard as hell to figure out what do to with all this free time. At a time where anxiety will probably kill us way before the virus ever does. I decided to teach you how to stay safe, but also stay sane. Nurses and doctors only tell you how to keep from getting the virus, but who’s telling you how to stay sane. The media and all this information vomit is bound to drive us crazy. Watching the news, being on social media, even the radio, it seems that’s all that’s being talked about now. Shit, even my blog is talking about it. But i promise im here to help.

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